life passes away everyday. it dies. not like living things, but life. it dies. this is pessimistic i know but i've been noticing it. in the way that i'm feeling it it only sounds pessimistic, but really i'm noticing that i have to take advantage of every day better.
holy crap i said one day when i noticed it was almost july and my green hills were long gone and replaced with wild hay fields. what else have i missed? I turned 23. golden birthday. making friends, planning this wedding, loving my family, playing with a baby who's turning into a boy.
I'm moving to seattle. its a real thing that is happening to me. every plan i make, every new step i take towards setting up my life there i notice that its fun and exciting but it feels like i'm doing it for someone else. i dont mean this in the way that seattle's not for me, or i dont want to do this, others want me to do this. I mean that it feels like there is another person, like a best friend, super close to me that is having this adventure. and like everything else in the real janna's life, this too feels like vicarious living. but its not. its real janna's life. people can live vicariously through me and my adventure. and i'm just noticing this.
post script. the tiniest kiss in the world from my favorite 3 1/2 year old can make all of my fuzzy coma head feel more like euphoria.
2 comments:
anyone else ever think about how the word vicar is in vicarious? I guess that makes etymological sense now that I think about it. But whatever.
Baby you're a star, I just want to show you you are.
girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's serious
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